CASH MONEY!

I started this blog as a way to explore the sacred through photography. This photograph, taken at the southeast corner of Young and Robie Streets in Halifax, is not sacred at all. Up until a few months ago this site was home to Robie Foods, an iconic Chinese Food Restaurant, that closed after more than 50 years of providing the city with a one-of-a-kind experience. 

There was a great deal of speculation and then anticipation when the decades old building was demolished and a new one started going up. It was a shock to me when I drove by shortly after Christmas and found a CASHMONEY outlet in its place! It seems like desecration. 

The Northend of Halifax is in the midst of change; the beloved Hydrostone houses and market are part of the gentrification of the former working class neighbourhood and yet it is also home to Mulgrave Park, a large public housing development. It has drawn in creative individuals and businesses that come to be part of the artsy atmosphere and provide something other than the cookie cutter streetscape of so many of our cities. It is a place of diversity in race, origin, economic and marital status. There an increasing number of young families who want to be close to city amenities. New immigrants find a home here. It is a place where neighbours look after neighbours. 

And yet here is CASHMONEY, a place that preys on those who are economically disadvantaged, who have no savings or access to ordinary credit, whose only recourse when they find themselves with a financial emergency is to turn to this kind of outlet. In large, eye-catching signs, 'Payday Loans' are advertised. $300 for $20, NO CREDIT CHECK! I went to their website to find out just how much a loan would cost. Provincial regulations obviously state that they have to say that Payday Loans are high cost loans, otherwise why would they? A $300 loan for 14 days, costs the borrower $66. Which works out to be an annual percentage rate (APR) of $573.57%! This is legalized loan sharking.  

I am comfortably middle-class now, but I wasn't always. There was a time when something as small as needing a new headlight for my car strained an already tight budget. When you live close to the edge economically, it doesn't take much to tip you over. I was lucky, I had family I could go to for short-term loans. 

And so places like CASHMONEY offend me. They offend me because they can draw a person into ever increasing loans with little way to get out. They offend me because they seek an exorbitant profit on the backs of the poor. They offend me because as a follower of Jesus, I am called to help create a world that is better for all of us, not just some of us.   

My window on God's world is cloudy tonight. 

This Is Me... On Drugs

This is our drug cupboard, and you don’t see the containers behind those! 

I consider myself a fairly healthy mid-fifties woman, who nevertheless relies on a daily regimen of drugs, both prescription and OTC to stay that way. Each morning I portion out the pills: three different ones for my aching joints, one to keep my underactive thyroid working better, one to control migraines, a magnesium tablet and a multi-vitamin.

Most mornings I do it without thinking too much, I do it in a particular order so that I don’t double dip or forget one. Periodically though, as I look at the handful of pills, I get depressed at the betrayal of my body. And then I can start to lay blame. If only I looked after myself better, if only I exercised more, if I lost some more weight. If only, if only, if only. Most women I know can identify with the love/hate relationship we have with our bodies. Yesterday, as I picked up another prescription at the drug store was one of those days. However, the latest one is only for 5 days!

On my good days, which are most of my days, I am thankful that I live in a time when drugs are available, that I have a drug plan that pays for 80% of them. I thankful that I live in a time when a bacterial infection can be cleared up in a matter of a week or so. I am thankful that my daily medications enable me to go about most of my days with energy and comfort. Yes, I would rather not have to take medication, but without it, my life would be constrained and restricted. 

I am thankful that this mid-fifties, imperfect and flawed body has also completed two 10k walks and raised $3000 for the work of the United Church by participating in the Bluenose Marathon. I am thankful that I can belly dance with my 18 year old granddaughter on a regular basis and have performed in a number of shows, I am thankful that I can walk regularly, at least in good weather. I am thankful that I can enjoy a night out with my husband. And I am thankful that I can keep up with my 4 year granddaughter, at least for a couple of hours.  

So this is me, on drugs. 

And that’s my window on God's world. 

Reflected Love

This ‘Christmas’ cactus sits on a table tucked into the bay window in my study. Of course it blooms when it wants to, which is not necessarily at Christmastime. The cactus was given to me by two friends as a housewarming present when I moved back to Nova Scotia from Ontario. 

Both of these women were part of my formal discernment process as I explored a call to ordained ministry; through that process we became close friends and kept in touch throughout my years of study and when I moved to Ontario to begin my first appointment as a minister, 1800 kilometers from all that was familiar, both of them came to visit that first summer, although not together. 

One of them died a little over a year ago and every time I look at the cactus I am reminded of her. Sheila was of a woman of deep faith, although like many of Scottish background, reserved about it except with people she knew well. Like the cactus, Sheila could seem to be prickly at times, but those of us who knew her well, knew that her prickliness covered a heart of great tenderness and generosity. If you look closely at the picture, you see a blossom reflected in the glass table top. Sheila reflected love and faithfulness combined with practicality. 

I don’t know if Sheila knew how much of an impact she had on my ministry. When I presided at my first funeral, while still a student and feeling ill-equipped, she gave me a button to put in the pocket of my alb as a reminder that there were others who thought I was very equipped. I found out later that it was a button from a dress that Sheila’s mother had been making for her when she died. The dress was never finished, but Sheila had kept it all the years since, knowing that love was stitched into the very seams. She wanted me to have a tangible reminder of her love to carry me that day. Little did she know that I would carry that button in the pocket of my alb for years, always a touchstone for me, particularly when I felt inadequate or for difficult funerals. 

The button is on the table with the cactus right now, by chance, perfectly lined up between the blossom and its reflection. In fact, the reflection is clearer than the blossom in the picture. Isn't that often true, we don't see our own beauty and truth clearly until it is reflected back to us by someone who knows and loves us? Beauty and practicality, love reflected in ways unimaginable, that was my friend Sheila. I miss her. 

And that's my window on God's world. 

My Mother's Hands

I was caught by the sight of my own hands trimming pastry last week as my husband and I made apple pies. I have come late to pastry making, even though I started baking when I was ten years old, I only started baking pies last year. Despite the late start, it seemed that my hands instinctively knew how to mix, roll out and trim the pastry. They knew this from the countless times I watched my mother do it.

This is a picture of my mother’s hand; it was taken on Mother’s day 2009 and she is showing off a family ring that her five children gave her to replace one she had lost.

I remember when she saw the picture and lamented her ‘old’ hands; with fingers that won’t completely straighten out any more, perhaps remembering her mother's hands in her later years. But I don’t see that, I see hands that have have performed countless tasks from the most basic to the most beautiful. 

A mother’s hands are usually the first one to tend you… change your diaper, feed you… the basics of life: food and clothing. One of my earliest memories is of my mother reading to me; her hands held books before I was capable of holding them on my own and inspired in me a lifelong love affair with reading. 

My mother was in many ways typical of mothers of her generation: she baked, cooked, cleaned, sewed, knit, gardened, pickled, preserved etc. Her hands were constantly busy. She taught her children many of those skills and we can all do some of them, although not one of us does all of them. What was not typical was that she also worked outside the home much of our growing up years, continually mastering new workplace skills, with both head and hands.  

In my mother’s retirement she took up cross-stitch, creating beautiful works of art, inspiring all four of her daughters to do so as well. She embraced the world of the internet, first getting a laptop to keep in touch with us while they wintered in Florida, learning the intricacies of the internet, then an e-reader and now an Ipad mini.

Most recently my mother’s hands have tended my father as he underwent treatment for throat and tongue cancer, cleaning the open wound, organizing his nutritional intake through the feeding tube and probably countless tasks to which I haven’t been privy.  

So, when I look at my mother’s hands, I don’t see old hands; I see hands that taught me countless things, hands that gave and received love, hands that reveal a life of blessing and challenge, hands that reflect a life well lived and loved. 

And that’s my window on God's world. 

Zoom In, Zoom Out

One of the things that I have been consciously trying to do over the past couple of years is 'reframe' something. For instance, when I am presented with a challenging situation, is there a way to look upon it as an opportunity? Is there a way to think about it in a different way? Are there things I am not seeing because I am so close to the situation? Or am I missing the intricate connections of the tiniest details because I am too far away? 

Since I have been exploring the sacred through photography, the idea of re-framing has become clearer. For instance, when you look at this picture, taken in our backyard, you may think that our yard is full of the extravagant array of colours that deciduous trees display as they prepare for winter. 

Now look at this uncropped picture of the same scene; quite a difference isn't there? 
This pictures shows that there is a row of evergreen trees, with a solitary deciduous tree spattering the sky with its colour.  

Both pictures are true, but you will have a very different interpretation and understanding of what you are looking at based on which one you focus on. 

My life is often like that. Sometimes I have to zoom in and reframe something in order to grasp meaning and beauty in the details, in the finer points. Sometimes I have to zoom out, in order to see the meaning and beauty in the big picture. Wisdom is knowing which one to focus on. 

Life usually isn't tied up in neat little packages is it, at least mine isn't. It doesn't come with numbered instructions with the promise that following them will lead to happiness. Every situation has multiple 'still' shots within it. Multiple opportunities to either zoom in or zoom out. No matter which one you choose, know that the tiny details and the overarching view are both full of the sacred. 

And that's my window on God's world.   

Breathing

Two women consistently lift my spirits each week. Belinda Ferguson is the founder of Belindance and I have been taking belly dance lessons from her for over a decade. I often claim that belly dance is the most fun you can have with your clothes on! It it is a strenuous workout, employing both large and small muscle groups, not to mention learning how to isolate movements and learning to counteract the body's tendency to be lazy and use muscles that will do the job most efficiently, although perhaps not quite as gracefully or elegantly. 

Vanessa Lindsay-Botten is the founder and director of You Gotta Sing! Chorus. I have been singing with them for about six weeks and absolutely love it. I am continually filled with awe and gratitude to be part of this amazing group of singers.  

What do these two amazing women have in common. They both emphasize the basics, and of course, breathing is one of the most basic of human actions. For the most part, we aren't conscious of our breathing, it's involuntary and most of us don't use nearly all of our lung capacity. 

The other thing they have in common is enthusiasm for their art and for encouraging people to be the best singer, the best dancer, the best person they can possibly be. Belinda never allows a dancer to say 'I can't,' but rather, the expression becomes, "I have not yet learned how." I have taken those words to heart and apply them in many other areas of my life. Vanessa smiles with genuine pleasure at our efforts and I have heard her say on more than one occasion that any other note than the one printed on the page is harmony! 

One of the earliest understandings of the word enthusiasm is 'filled with God's spirit.' I experience the sacred and holy when I am with either of these women. Whether I am finding the choreography challenging or finding the right notes is a lost cause that day, both of these women find a way to affirm me and others in a way that leaves me feeling affirmed, valued and better equipped to spread love and life to our hurting world. Both of these women seem to appreciate the idea that their gifts and skills are gifts of God. Through performances and participation in concerts to raise funds for various causes, these women share their gifts with others for the benefit of our world. These women make me feel as if I have tapped into the very breath of the universe, the breath of God. 

And that's my window on God's world. 

God and Dog

It’s no secret to my friends and family that I am a cat person. So it may come as a surprise to them that I am writing about a recent encounter with a dog that was both profound and sacred. 

Last week, I went into the local flower shop, Props Floral Design in the Hydrostone Market, to pick up some wheat that I had ordered for our communion table. When I arrived, Ms. McFadden, the sales associate was on the phone and Chester the Golden Doodle was sitting in front of the counter. Ms. McFadden looked up as if to ask if I was okay with the dog, I smiled and nodded. I spoke to the dog which immediately came over and needed to be petted and scratched etc. 

I had had a rough 24 hours, my father had had a crisis in the hospital, I had back to back meetings in my church, some of which involved difficult conversations, I was tired, and facing a day of funeral planning, attending to the last details of a wedding and dealing with the ordinary, myriad demands of ministry. In short, I HAD NO TIME TO WASTE PETTING A DOG! 

But something happened as I interacted with Chester, my breathing slowed, I could feel the tension leaving my body, and I was simply present. I don’t know if my blood pressure or my heart rate decreased, but I certainly felt much calmer. It’s no surprise that there are therapy dogs and when I spoke with his owner, I found out that Chester was one!

As she continued on the phone, Chester continued to want to be petted and fussed over. Ms. McFadden occasionally glanced up from her phone to offer a silent apology for taking so long, and I conveyed by understanding in the same way.  

My encounter with Chester stayed with me all day and I went back later on, spoke to his owner about it and asked if I could take a couple of pictures and write about it in my blog. She graciously obliged and the picture above is my favourite one.

Look at that open, trusting face, a face that says, “It is enough right now just to be with me, there is nothing more important than that.” Chester was God for me that morning. Chester reminded me once again that practicing the art of being present is the art of experiencing God. I left behind the previous 24 hours and ceased to fret about the upcoming days. I was reminded that all we have is each moment and to experience each moment in its fullness is making room to encounter God.  

There is a luminescence to his face, perhaps only the camera flash, but it’s a beacon of love and welcome. Chester’s persistence in being petted reminded me of God's persistence in being in relationship with us and that’s God's invitation is always just a moment, a breath away.  

And that’s my window on God's world